>be me last night
>5 days off weed after a decade of abuse, got tired of going through life like a zombie, better to just take me pain
>at freinds b day party
>no dopamine or serotonin to work with
>have 0 compassion for others cuz I am in the middle of battling a lifelong addiction and am dealing with a floodgates or memory's, some overwhelming feeling of missing dead loved ones and other existential shit I've been numbing out for my entire youth and I'm taking on my karmic debt raw dog
>fat goblina starts flirting with me
>still make conversation cuz I trwt everyone equally
>over the night she starts pounding drinks and getting handys
>bi-polar cuz coming down of a decade of abuse and my good mood eventually sours into an intense feeling of disappointment and dread
>she eventually makes a move and offers me a bj in the bathroom
>if she asked 5 minuets ealier or later I would just tell her I have a gf or maybe even accepted it
>but no, she picked the wrong time
>tell her callously
>"sorry I'm not into bigger girls or latinas"
>she absolutely loses her marbles, starts calling me names
>runs off crying
> everyone looking at me angry
>she starts crying really bad and leave with her freind
>everyone still mad at me
> I go home and the angry part of the bipolar fades away and realize what I have done
Is this what sobriety means? I'll end up isolating everyone out of my life if I keep going like this. I feel so fucking bad for hurting her feelings, I know that shit just crushes women since they can't do anything to make up for being psychically unattractive.
Fhp threads are all fun and games but it's not worth it making these people feel bad. Maybe they have shit parents who never taught when what's right and already are starting in a deep dark hole by the time they are old enough to take responsibility..